- somewhere only I know -

It hurts most when I come to the realisation once more that my weakness is not something new.



It angers most when I find me hating myself so much for not changing since the previous time.



It deludes most when I can't grasp the exact motive behind me wanting to change, or not, and in the process I'm lost as to whether it is really me, a part of me, or none of me at all.



They saw right into me.



They uncovered what only one person in the world ever has before, and that person is my brother.



Kudos to them.



I simply could not hide.



The more I spoke, the more evident my weakness became.



They did not break me.



I didn't expect them too.



But they hit me where it hurts the most.



They hit me at the one place I didn't expect.



It's good cos that area was fading away without me doing anything about it.



But a bright light was shone so strongly on that area in my sub-consciousness today.



And once again the all too familiar of humility struck.



All I can say is..



What will be the determinant will be my course of action in the upcoming month.



Well that's me.



I always get so turned off due to my internal fury toward me.



And I know it really affects the people around me.



And yet..



I'm just so disappointed I can't bring myself to change.



Well I made a promise with someone that I would leave my emotions out the door when choir started.



I did. Unwillingly.



In the past it never ever happened.



Me finding something that would bring me through my depression so fast.



But yet.



Something did.



The moment I opened my mouth to sing..



I knew something had changed..



And from then on I just couldn't stop smiling..



Music..



Tonigh I witnessed personally one of the other magical effects it can create.



And it made me so happy.



And I realised my purpose and focus once more.



The path ahead is going to be one that I will come out moulded and refined.



I'm not looking forward to it, but yet I am.



Not like I have a choice.



I only have a calling.



And I don't intend on discoursing.



All I can pray is that..



Who I become...



Is who I really want to be..



Not for glory, honour or prestige..



But for identity and just to know that I am myself.



And I wouldn't wanna be anyone else.



when I am weak, then I am strong