Stand Amazed

I don’t really know how long forever is
But that’s how long I’m gonna give my life
Everything I face, it tries to tear me down
No I won’t back away from the sacrifice
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way

When all the lights go down and the world is quiet
No one is around
I wanna be the same man that will serve you then
Like I serve you now
That my convictions never change
O let my need for you remain
As real as the moment I was saved
I will always stand amazed

Sometimes my heart desires such selfish things
When the moment comes help me to trust
Something better that you have for me
If I could just hold on to you enough
I won’t forget what you’re love means to me
You’re always there to light my way

You will be my strength when I am weak
When I wanna give in and not turn the other cheek
Let this be the prayer that I speak
That I speak

The Weakness In My Strength

Dear Jesus,

I feel like a fool.

I feel so unworthy and undeserving as I go about it everyday.

I feel as if I'm not making the most of what you've given me, and I can't bring myself to understand why.

Dear Jesus,

I'm talking about the friends you've given to me, but I'm sure You knew that already.

Somehow throughout the course of my life I've not been able to cherish those who mean so much to me.

I've not been able to do the things that stereotypical "great" friends do, and on the contrary, most of the things I do are so shitty compared to what they've done for me.

Sometimes when the fault is so much mine I try to reason that it's not at all, that maybe they are the ones who need to consider themselves.

Dear Jesus,

I feel like a downright hypocrite.

Why do I go on doing this even in the face of true friendship shown to me? Such friendship that I never knew nor ever believed existed till I experienced it?

I seem to be everything that is an antonym of altruism.

Do I pursue friends for the purpose of my own gain??

The closer I get for the more they could help me?

I don't know.

On one hand it does, yet on the other hand it doesn't.

Dear Jesus,

I feel so much like a Judas right now.

I'm apparently so much thirsting after You, being in Your presence and worshipping You, yet will I turn away at what the world offers?

Would I betray my friends for selfish ambitions and personal gain?

Will I just become one of the world in all her foolish and wicked ways?

I don't know.

I really don't want to but I don't know.

Guess this is what they call the ever constant temptation of the world.

Dear Jesus,

Could it be because of my upbringing?

That I never had friends who really cared and shared with each other till mid-sec school?

But even then, I've been given plenty the chance to learn, very many times.

Can I say then that it's because the kind of close friendship that was shared was one that didn't need much expression? Sort of an intuitive kinda thing.

But as ever, I shoot myself in the heart.

I know that actions speak so much louder than words, and it's me who's not doing anything just about all the time.

shit.

Dear Jesus,

It's so enticing to say that You don't really understand me at all, that You haven't been through what I've been through cos You've lived Your life differently and are of no help to me.

But then I'd just shoot myself again.

You had it the worst.

I guess the only difference between the two of us was that You chose to give each and every single time without fail.

And I didn't.

You knew exactly why You did everything.

I don't know why I'm doing anything, given that I do anything at all.

Dear Jesus,

What will become of the future?

Will I just leave so many friends behind like I have in the past?

Will I just let them slide away because of my ignorance?

Will I even care??

Will I be hated?

Will they forgive me?

Will You forgive me?

Dear Jesus,

I don't know what to do anymore.

I don't.

I need to not think so much; to think less, and to do more.

Somehow I always think of the worst, and that brings me to do and not do so many things that move me in the wrong direction.

Dear Jesus,

Will you please show me what to do?

please

The Inscription of Hope

His rugged back ached as he pressed his frail frame back against the wall. His hands - young and tender, trembled uncontrollaby as he tried to grip the dusty floor beneath him. His clothes - tattered, torn and dirty, couldn't provide any more solace than the thick smell of alcohol that saturated the air about him in that dark, damp and cold cellar.

His heart would skip a beat each time he heard a gunshot. They seemed to be getting ever closer; ever seeming to burst through the door any moment and down the stairs toward him. He wanted so so much to be in the arms of his father, to hold him just once more and know that he was secure, but as much as he wished, he knew it was impossible.

All he could recall was being violently awoken by his older brother who carried and thrust him into the basement before locking the door from the outside, leaving him dazed and confused as he tried to make sense of what was about him.

"We'll be back for you, I promise."

Those were the last words he ever heard his brother whisper.

He couldn't understand, he never was told much. As the days passed, the glow in his father's eyes ever seemed to fade. Even his mother gradually lost the exuberance and positiveness in her being, and though she told him everything was alright, he knew it wasn't. Thoughts flooded his mind as the tears poured down his thin, angular cheeks. He couldn't explain the tears, but somehow crying was all he wanted to do.

The entire house suddenly erupted with commotion as he was jolted back into reality. Shots rang out all over the place. Screaming unlike anything he had ever heard ensued. All to distinctly, he knew it was his mother.

Rage filled his body, he wanted so much to save his mother from the agony. She was old and weak, how could they do such cruel things to her?? But yet the fear of everything kept him frozen in the corner.

The shout that he had inside of him escaped as a bare whisper, even his vocal chords seemed to have broken as all that came out was a harsh burst of air.

"ma...ma...."

Tears afresh poured from his eyes, now red and bloodshot from crying. He was young, he couldn't do anything against the millions of German troops out there. He hated it. Why was he so small? Why was he so weak??

Why was he a jew?

The noise abruptly subsided after a few more gunshots. He waited for what seemed like an eternity before crawling his way to the cellar door.

"papa...?"

The eerie silence was all that answered him.

He knew it. He knew what had happened, as much as he refused to believe it. They were gone, all of them. All of them.

He slumped back against the wall in anguish but there were no more tears to be shed. His eyes were already dry and hurting like crazy. And in that moment of utter despair and pain, the teachings of his Sunday School teacher came to him.

"and never forget, God is with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He loves you."

There then in the deepest moments of his life, mustering what strength he had left, he took a chalk, drew the star of David, and below it wrote what today is known as the Inscription of Hope from the Holocaust.

These were the words that were found:

I believe in the sun,
Even when it is not shining.

I believe in love,
Even when there's no one there.

I believe in God,
Even when he is silent...


Do you believe?