~nothingness~

Lately I've been feeling very.. Uhh.. In fact.. Lately I've not been feeling anything at all. And I hate this nothingness. I just don't feel anything. I don't feel happy, I don't feel sad, I don't feel joy, I don't feel comfortable, I don't feel funny, heck I don't even feel lame. I space out all the time and stone like there's no tomorrow. I have absolutely no darn idea whats happening. Could it be because of worries?? Like the O's?? Or maybe emotions?? Or none of God??? Yes, I can't even feel God. He barely talks nowadays and I just can't seem to worship Him no matter how hard I try.

WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!!!!

I just feel so.. empty.. empty like a seashell.. nothing inside but water.. nothing outside but tides and winds pushing me to and fro.. cascading with the flow..

You know.. sometimes i just wonder.. what if I wasn't here.. what if there was never a Bobby Lam Yu Wen in this world..
there'd not be this blog for which you waste time on reading..
there'd not be a class monitor to make fun off who always tries his best to insult the teacher through jokes..
there'd not be a guy who plays guitar on stage every three weeks for church.....
there'd not be this guy who leads worship for chapel in school whom everyone thinks uses a fake accent..
there'd not be that student conductor who tries his best not to make the choir boring and help the choir to survive..
there'd not be the younger moost-of-the time irritating brother to his older two siblings..
there'd not be some traitor who quit tennis for choir..
there'd not be some other fat guy who eats the most in school.. or used to...
there'd not be some bugger who mindlessly chases after innocent girls and gets hell of a lesson learnt and in the meantime portaying himself as damn shallow..
there'd not be some guy who hopped to another church as he felt he could connect with the youths there more..
there'd not be the guy who could not care-less about shopping and is impatient half the time..
there'd not be the guy with the super weird abundance of hair on the back of his leg whom everyone thiks is abnormal..
there'd not be the guy who is another huge supporter-not fan- of Hillong and Planetshakers..
there'd not be the guy who tries to be extra alot of the time..
there'd not be the guy who is over-enthusiastic to do things..
there'd not be the guy who loves to watch anime and collect gundams..
there'd not be the guy who wants to be at least abit famous..

can YOU imagine a world without Bobby Lam Yu Wen?? Try to.. Do you think it would have been a better one?? Just try.. would You have had a better life??

Did Bobby Lam make a difference to YOUR life? Was the difference for better or for worse.. would YOu prefer if he was out of your life now?? would You prefer if he wasn't around?? would that give you less worries or cheer up your day abit more?

don't worry.. he's not going to do any stupid thing like suicide..

haiz... he just likes plucking thoughts out of nowhere and thinking about them..
wonder when he'll be filled with substance again.. both spiritual and emotional..

for now he's just faded