-the exit doors that lead in-

I almost did it again.


Almost made the same mistake.


But this time it was different.


But it was the same.


Different? I've never been a sound board before.


Same? It's not much different from the past.




I can't trip on the same rock more than twice.


I can't even believe I tripped twice.


I want to go back.


Change half of what's behind.


But that will just make me fallible now.


Some people just have it all don't they.


Some people don't.


I don't.




Now I'm even more afraid of opening doors.


One day I eventually will open the right one.


I already missed one.


And I think I just opened another wrong one.


One that leads back in.


I hate opening those doors.


When will I ever find the right door.


One that opens up to what I never thought of before.


No not paradise but what's closest to it.


I'm not asking for perfection.


Though sometimes I tend to look for it.


Or alot of the time.


I don't know.




I hate opening wrong doors.


I have no one esle to blame of course but myself.


I hate getting cut.


Getting cut deep.


But I'm over that now.


But scars remain evermore.


Ugly scars.


Should one kill emotions?


It sure helps but.


What happens if I find the right door?


Will I be able to find back emotions?


God help me.



Show me the door.


Show me which level it's on.


But at Your anoited time and place.


In this building called.


relationships.