- liberation -

I've changed my mind once more.





I don't usually get angry.





I don't get angry at all.





Except when I fight myself.





I'm free to be the object of laughter all the time.





Except when I fight myself.





I don't want to fight my inner being any longer.





I'll be blunt.






If by letting go, I can worship more freely,






If by letting go, I'll be able to tap into more of His peace,





If by letting go, I can tap into more of His Joy,






If by letting go, I can tap into more of His Love,






Then what am I waiting for??






The past few weeks, I have been disobedient.






Very disobedient.






I don't wanna be that way any longer.





I haven't talked to God in ages cos I know His answer already.





I know that I'd be much happier letting go.




I know it, yet I refuse to acknowledge it.





I have been refusing and refusing, and my whole temperament changes.





As I walked out of school today, I felt so numb.





Thats the most hateful feeling.





You're not sad, happy, angry- just numb.





It sucks.





It's like being lukewarm.





I don't want to waste too much time here.





I don't want to bore you down with my internal strife.





I don't want to feel jealous any longer.





I'm sorry I'm doing this.





I really am.





Hopefully you can understand me.






Cause I think I'm handing back the key.





Cause' I think I am...

letting go..

God, I'm still here, and You're still there.





You always will be there.





And this is a song I wrote today cos I know you are there.






It's not quite done yet, but I wanna shout it aloud nonetheless.





I haven't found a title yet.




Maybe someone can help me with that.




And the song is not complete either.





If I were to cry,
You would catch my tears
If I were to scream
You would lend Your ear
For I know,
That You are always there for me


If I lost my grip,
You would break my fall
If I fought myself
You would feel it all
For I know,
That You know every part of me


I can't escape this world/
I can't run away..
Even if I did try, I'd end up in Your arms..