Tour Diary Day 4

You know.. I don't get it..


Am I not trying to change?


I am aware that I tend to act rather immature at times and my loud personality frequently gets the better of me but..


What if I want it this way?


Do I want to grow up?


I'm sure I can handle responsibility if I set my mind to it but.. do I want to...?


What if I were to leave all this and go back to serving in church? With all the super fun times of being spastic and funny with YangShen, Arthur and Sashi??


I don't know..


What's up with my "orang utan"? Why does it still come about?? What am I doing wrong..


Am I not consciously trying to change..


I know what's wrong but yet I don't change.. or do I..


Why do I constantly question myself and get even more upset and angry..


Why do I want to affect the people around me?


Why is the only thing I'm writing here questions?


Do I want an apology from last night? What would it change???


Nothing... nothing


What is the point of writing all this??


I should seriously cut down on my negative thoughts..


Be big? Forget it.


It's always my fault.


My fault.