You Say Goodbye, And I Say Hello.. Hello heloo!!

Oh well I wanted to post a sad post but after a very encouraging sms from my tenor senior STEPHEN NATHANIEL GUNAWAN I'm happy once again so I shall not attempt to depress everybody.


Well I'm off tomorrow to London, then Wales and finally Manchester..


All I can hope is that it'll be the most magical two weeks of this year..


And how is that going to happen?


Join the ACJC Choir and you'll find out.


Actually you don't need to find it..


It finds you..


=)


Goodbye sunny and humid Singapore..


Hello sunny and non-humid west Europe..


I'll be catching the finals over there!!


Argentina is going to win I don't care!!

-bunny misfortune-

Thats the picture of a rabbit I discovered at the grassy patch beside the canal behind my house.


I was on the way home from lunch from Junction 8 with my brother and his friend, and I suddenly saw this white bunny rabbit in the middle of nowhere.


Not knowing why it was there, I decided to move closer to find out.


I used to own a few rabbits last time when I was younger.


Of course, we eventually gave them all away.


The thing you have to realise about rabbits is the closer you move toward them, most of the time the further they moved away.


Stepping on all the twigs and branches, the rabbit instead moved closer to me.


It's ears and nose twitching and sniffing like crazy.


It was then I realised that it was blind!!


Some cruel, heartless owner who didn't know nuts about looking after a rabbit must have led to its blindness, and thus abandoning it.


I brought an apple later that day to feed it but it wasn't there anymore.


I tried searching for a few more days but wasn't able to find it till...


Today..


Oh my..


It has really gotten so thin..


And look at all the dirt surrounding the nose.. from all the sniffing..


I stroked it a few times today but after it discovered I had nothing to offer as food it moved away...


And I managed to get the picture..


My heart goes out to this rabbit..


And I know that other people's hearts do too cos I've seen some carrots being left around..


Live on wabbit!!!


Okay moving on!!


Ambrose and Terry are so going to kill me for this.


Well the Dudes of the Square Table went out during the hols, with the extra fat slut whom we all love and adore, JEREMY!!!


Haha I can't remember what we did, but here is are two pics of them gaying around.


They tried to delete all but I managed to save some.

Ambrose and Terry

Jeremy and Titus

Ahhh Jeremy.. if only you were in ACJC.. then we'd have so much super fun poking fun at Titus and Leanne and Ambrose and J**** *ahem* *ahem*

And of course, all the fun of you chasing skirts with your duper funny grunts and "heehaw" runs hahaha..

Sigh... life goes on I guess..

Dudes of the Square Table + one fat slut.

Those were the days..

Haha yup that's about all for today.

ITALY VERSUS AUSTRALIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coldplay - The Scientist

Probably the only contemporary band I listen to. Coldplay!!!

For some reason.. I just like to listen to them.. maybe it's the simplicity of their arrangement and nice simple tunes.

Haha anyone know which album I can find the song yellow in? I might want to get it..

If I got money..

"Voice of Truth"

The new song on my blog, by Casting Crowns.


The song... simply rocks.

Voice Of Truth:

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'

"You'll never win"

Chorus:

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"

And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant

With just a Sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors

Shaking in their armorWishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me

Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!

"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size

To put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don't seem so high

From on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

Singing over me

an old new

Last night I just broke down in my room.


I've reached the June Spiritual All-Low once again.. no matter how I tried to change this year from the previous..


Why have I been so blind?


Why do I time and time again fail to see who has been and is here all along to love me and watch over me?


Why do I fall again and again?


I asked God these questions last night, I asked Him:


'God, how come you don't speak to me as a friend here would speak to me?'


'God, why do you always speak in such insightful ways?' Always quoting something from the bible, or something I know somewhere inside of me.


'God... for once I just wish the manner in which you spoke was an audible voice...'


But then I realised how utterly stupid my questions were..


God is... GOD.. of course what ever He said, however simple and short, always struck the chord within me..


It didn't matter how He spoke to me.. as long as He did I have all the right to be happy..


And I immediately realised these things when I began questioning..


How foolish am I..


How insignificant, fallible, angst-inducing and sinful..


Yet God still loves me..


Even though I have nothing worthy to offer Him..


Nothing worthy..


Yet He still cares..


I never was and never will be able to comprehend His love for me..


It just takes my breath away each time I think about it..


I took my guitar out and sang two songs that have been sung hundreds of times before..


But I discovered something new again in them...


"The Heart of Worship" and "Here I Am To Worship"


And I just broke down during those songs...


"When the music fades.. and all is stripped away.."


"Longing just to bring.. something that's of worth.."


You know, as a mature Christian you don't break down emotionally anymore..


That happens alot when you are a young christian and you can really feel all your emotions surging through you when the Lord touches you and when you break down you just cry like crazy..


I wasn't able to cry last night... no matter how hard I tried..


Yet I knew all the same that regardless of emotions.. God still embraced me all the same..


All the times I've contradicted myself in the last few weeks spiritually..


He forgives..


And forgives..


And a verse I can safely say I've seen thousands of times came back to me and hit my heart once more..


It goes like this..



John 3:16:

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only begotten son to die for all our sins, that whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have eternal life.."



How I wish I were in heaven now..


Free of worries..


Free of temptation..


But I know God won't take me back so fast..


Why?


Cos I haven't lived out the great commission yet.


God grant me favor and confidence as I try to evangelise.


Amen.

gradient

I don't get it.


Why does it keep changing altitude?



Why does it keep going up and down?



Sort of like a sound wave.



When I don't seem to care, I feel that it goes to a high and gets nice.



When I do change my mind and start to care, it sorta drops suddenly and leaves me confused.



So that it like contradicts my course of action.



Maybe my da ge is right.



Maybe my thoughs and observations are not always right.



Maybe they never were right.



And I'm plotting in all the wrong places.



Drawing all the wrong conclusions and making all the wrong hypotheses.



Or just maybe it's not my time-frame yet.



Oh how I contradict myself.



Woe is me.



And my sore throat that is taking so long to go away.

- reformation -

Yesterday, I made two critical decisions, one more major than the other.



I called up the head of the Worship Youth Ministry and asked to step out of the Worship Team for the next quarter of the year.



Knowing it'll be filled with many commitments, even unforseen ones, and I don't know if I have the time to practice with the team.



But the more major one made me think much further.



In that same conversation over the phone, I told the Worship Head that halfway through the next quarter I will tell her if I want to leave the Worship Team for good or not.



Well, it's partly because I'm not doing fantastically on my spiritual aspect..



But more so is because I may be called to serve in an area in school.



And if so, I definitely have to get my priorities right and sacrifice one of two things that I love and cherish so much.



Just pondering about leaving for good makes me sad.



I've spent the better part of three years growing and learning together with others.



Not only how to better play the guitar, but to mature spiritually in my walk with God and to bring myself into a deeper level of worship.



Learning that in a band, sometimes simplicity is the best..



And tightness was something that could be forged only over time..



And I've spent a considerably period serving..



All the Sunday mornings, adult services, spiritually whacky and high camps, retreats, friday night pratices..



Currently i'm the most versatile guitarist in the team..



And I really thank God for my talent..



And to leave would mean that the other guitarists are going to have to step up to fill in the huge space I'm going to leave..



But I believe they can do it..



I belive that working together with the rest of the band, though the music might be slightly different, the worship will still be just as refreshing.



Haha I make it sound as if I am going to leave already.




Well.. I really don't know..




If it so happens I'm not ready to lead in school, then I will continue on in the last quarter..



Guess it all depends on me..



I got my wife nearing the end of sec three...



And I will now tell you my one greatest weakness as a guitarist.



I may seem fantastic and skillful when I play with a band, especially Christian Contemporary songs..



But as a lone performer of secular songs my range is so incredibly limited..



Guess it's cos I don't play anywhere outside of Christian contexts..



And sometimes I feel like crap cos I don't think I am worthy to play my wife..




My dear wife.. in both aspects..



I intended on seriously brushing up in JC but.. I have so many other things that require my attention first..



If I do leave the team then I guess..



My best level of guitaring will be where what I learn in the Army will lead me and no further..



I am not a good guitarist.



I may seem so in school and church, but in the real world, I am really just average.



Guess my improvement in guitaring and worship leading go hand in hand, while my school commitments go in another..



I sure do hope I make the right choice..



So I don't end up in limbo regretting everthing..



But then again..


That may not be totally bad..



Yup =>

- somewhere only I know -

It hurts most when I come to the realisation once more that my weakness is not something new.



It angers most when I find me hating myself so much for not changing since the previous time.



It deludes most when I can't grasp the exact motive behind me wanting to change, or not, and in the process I'm lost as to whether it is really me, a part of me, or none of me at all.



They saw right into me.



They uncovered what only one person in the world ever has before, and that person is my brother.



Kudos to them.



I simply could not hide.



The more I spoke, the more evident my weakness became.



They did not break me.



I didn't expect them too.



But they hit me where it hurts the most.



They hit me at the one place I didn't expect.



It's good cos that area was fading away without me doing anything about it.



But a bright light was shone so strongly on that area in my sub-consciousness today.



And once again the all too familiar of humility struck.



All I can say is..



What will be the determinant will be my course of action in the upcoming month.



Well that's me.



I always get so turned off due to my internal fury toward me.



And I know it really affects the people around me.



And yet..



I'm just so disappointed I can't bring myself to change.



Well I made a promise with someone that I would leave my emotions out the door when choir started.



I did. Unwillingly.



In the past it never ever happened.



Me finding something that would bring me through my depression so fast.



But yet.



Something did.



The moment I opened my mouth to sing..



I knew something had changed..



And from then on I just couldn't stop smiling..



Music..



Tonigh I witnessed personally one of the other magical effects it can create.



And it made me so happy.



And I realised my purpose and focus once more.



The path ahead is going to be one that I will come out moulded and refined.



I'm not looking forward to it, but yet I am.



Not like I have a choice.



I only have a calling.



And I don't intend on discoursing.



All I can pray is that..



Who I become...



Is who I really want to be..



Not for glory, honour or prestige..



But for identity and just to know that I am myself.



And I wouldn't wanna be anyone else.



when I am weak, then I am strong

ME! Me and me and ME and mE!!!

Energizer + Nike = Don't Do It! & Just Give Up!!


Adidas + LG = Life is nothing! & Impossible's Good!!


Haha those are just some random combinations I came up with when I had nothing better to do.


Oh well I guess people might have thought of it before, that's why you never find an energizer and nike sponser in the same place.


Not that they are that related but anyway.


Well I decided to post abit more about me.


I have an older sister and older brother.


Their names are Sarah and Paul.


My sis is 26 and is a Justice Law Clerk.


My brother is 21 and is waiting to start undergrad at London School of Econs.


I am waiting for term exams, which I am positive I shall fail if I don't start mugging soon.


I live in a corner terrace house.


I don't own a pet.


I have plenty around my neighbourhood to bug me.


My favourite colour is yellow!


Why?? Because tis' so bright cheery and funnn!!!


Doesn't the colour just make you wanna smile?!?


My favourite hobby is sleeping!!


Contrary to popular belief of eating, watching anime or playing guitar.


Yes, my real name is Bobby.


Not robert/bobdog/boobie/boobs/bobble/bobson/bobster/bob-somethingelse.


I like to give/receive hugs like crazy!!!


No I'm not gay.


Err... I'm pretty sure abt that.


Though I do tend to get in touch with my feminine side once in a while.


=X


Been rejected ever since I started realising there was an opposite sex.


But it's alright, I believe there will be someone eventually.


Did I say I love watching anime??


Yeah I've watched about... twenty different types of anime series's already??


Or more.


My brother got me hooked.


Now I can't stop.


It's his fault not mine.


My personality is kinda loud.


But I think you would know that.


Ahh my brain is too tired to think currently.


Oh well I shall stop here now!!


Tell you more abt myself next time!!


Now for my favourite activity!!!

- mind-boggling -

Hello everyone.



Here am I, on a lazy Wednesday afternoon trying to do a KI essay.



I must admit, it is rather hard to do, and information doesn't help you when you have no idea where to begin.



Bahh..



I don't only have to write an essay focusing on truth, but how it applies to and field of study.



And application is something you do not find in an external text which I am trying to digest.




It'll be kind of cool if I can relate truth to a new area of study, something no one has done before.



But then again, the chances of that happening are.... 0.01%???



And the chances of me writing a fabulous essay in that newfound field are even lower..



Not that I write fabulous essays anyway...




Pffftttt...




This is so mentally challenging..



And I thought I could finish it all in one day..



Well maybe I can but..



That's if my brain doesn't conk out on me.




Baaahhhh... bahblacksheephaveyouanywoool??




Lol that was so random..




Eh I'm becoming retarded.




On a sidenote, I'm about 2/3 way through the da vinci code.




Well I have to say Dan Brown is hardly as good a writer as JK Rowling, and his suspenses are not fun cos he tells you what happens quickly, unlike the latter who's Harry Potter books reveal their suspenses years later...




But he does have this subtle sense of not really keeping you hooked, yet you want to know the full extent of the story.




Unlike Rowling, Dan Brown carefully incorporates the history of the characters and the stry in his book in a way that you realise you're reading about it unknowlingly, almost as if you were supposed to do so.




His language is surprisingly simple and easy to read, and his book is filled with just so so much action that 600 pages contains what happens within 24hrs or less, and yet in that one night years of history is also set in motion.




Of course, like all thrillers, the book is full of coincidences, but then again, that's what people want.




So cliche eh??



Lol maybe I should become a book reviewer.



Or maybe not.



Argh... I have half the mind to go back to reading, and the other half to go and sleep.



But WHAT ABOUT MY ESSAY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!



This sucks..



God give me strenght.



Okay so...



What really is truth..



or.



What is true??

- superhero -

Fantasy is something that everyone has gone through one phase or another.


We all dream of being superheros.


Becoming someone who saves the world and whom everyone admires and respects.


I must confess, I still very much imagine fascinating stuff whenever I feel like.


Which is, quite often.


No I don't pretend I'm some retarded hero like batman or superman or spiderman, thought the last one I admit is pretty cool.


You see, I watch duper alot of anime, and anime stories are full of fantasies and worlds beyond imagination.


I do wish some of them were true, but then again I wouldn't be in it so maybe not.



Currently, my ultrahero story is that I'm the most talented and versatile among all the people in the world gifted with this ability.



The ability is to produce, manipulate and control lightning.



I'd have this duper koolz sword that could cut through anything and it has different levels of power according to the amount of lightning I'd channel in.


I'd travel in a lightning bolt as far as I can shoot it and as fast as it travels.



Only disadvantage is I can only travel where I shoot the lightning.



So with forked lightning nobody could tell where I'll next appear!!!!



My main problem however, is coming up with enemies to fight.



All I've thought of is other people with other powers and we'd fight them for dominion over who would be the best race.



And someday an alien asteroid landed on earth and the aliens, which are far more superior and powerful than normal humans tried to take over the earth.



And all the poeple with superpowers joined forces to fight them.



And I of course, was the saviour who hacked down the alien king in a very close and narrow fight to the death.



I'd be injured so bad I'd be in coma for 3 weeks.



And of course, the girl of my dreams who I love and who loves me back would wait for me patiently each day and be the first to hug and kiss me when I wake up.



Of course I don't lose my powers and still retain them.



Then I marry that beautiful/pretty/stunning/hot/whatever girl and we live happily ever after.



And I become a legend never to be surpassed because of my power and contributions.



Sorta like Jean Grey.



*ummm*




YEAH RIGHT AS IF!!!!!!!!!!



Haha its kind of a super duper retarded story.



Like there isn't any girl who likes me lah.



Guess that's why I can never write an anime script.



But oh well, I'll happily leave that to the Japs.



But I will though, continue to fantasize about my lightning world, where I am Godlike.



Haha now you know what goes on in the imagination of bobby lam.



Don't laugh okay, bet your fantasy is just as retarded, if not more, than mine.



To eternity and beyond!!!


*ZAAAAAPPP!!!*